| wow its been a while......so many good and ehh things have occurred..this is by far my "hell week" with three exams a group speech and a project due. I have one month left at almar till i get laid off...i am SO ready. i wanna quit but i would rather just get laid off and not go back. I also work at night flight but due to the weather i dont think i will be working this week. aaron and i seem to be better than ever lately. we had a big bump in the road last week. im still not over it and i dont think i will be any time soon...but its okay cause it affected me...one more month and hes hired in. i am hopin i have a car in the next month because i am sooo tired of walking......its hard to shop and do daily things without a car let alone homework! I can finally say i am content in this relationship. the trust issue kinda comes up every once in a while but he knws what he does to cause that and i am working on including him more with my guy friends so he knows its okay..he hung out with alan and i last night and it went extremely well.....it was akward for me just cuz of obvious reasons...but alan is gonna be around for a long time if we can keep our friendship the way it is now. i hate when ppl think hes this mean guy cuz he truly isnt...he cares about a lot of ppl and is very sweet.....he just comes off cocky..go figure? i think im attracted to musical men..two for two hahaha....anyways..im really happy with aaron....i feel safe and o so in love.......hes perfect for me..... as soon as i get this car im up for a road trip..ne one wanna join>!! hahahh love u all! |
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| im doin well..haha...my car died..so im gonna sell it and use that money to get a new one. needless to say its a smart decision. im broke as a joke right now..and a little worried about some things but im not going to let it bring me down..i just keep tellin myself this degree should really help me out. i hope haha! i love what im majoring in but i definitely know i want to go to grad school! i have an ounce of ambition ready to burst thru..needless to say..right now im craving starbucks and frenchfries...so IM OUT! |
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| I'm sick of this double standard bull shit..its cool tho..keep tellin me u dont want me to talk to these ppl and then turn around and talk to ppl i feel uncomfortable with u talkin to....im not gonna respect ur wishes ne more...im sposed to trust u?? well then u need to trust me! this is some fuckin childish bullshit...im done ..dealin with it..im gonna do what i want. |
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| my mind is doin numbers on me right now.....i feel stuck..like i cant move up in this world or something. all the things i want to accomplish seem so far away from me.. my relationship isnt at all what i want it to be nor i want to deal with forever. things have to change or im gonna freak out. i feel like im a mother, a housewife, a student, and a worker......i want a day to go and do things i wanna do and not feel bad about spending the money on it later. i see all these other people around me day after day talkin about their new car, their masters degree....bla bla bla....i understand money isnt everything but without it u cant achieve ne thing in life. i really really want to go to grad school.....i just am afraid of not being able to due to financial struggles im in right now..i NEED a newer car..i need to pay off my debt......and i cant... call me crazy but im joining guard again next year....no i dont miss the drama..i just need my own time....to clear my head and it seems like when i was spinning i had a lot of time on the field to think...about what I WANTED..not what he or she wants..i am such a people pleaser..and it needs to come to an end.....im so quick to be ther efor anyone else..to work a shift so that person can spend there anniversary with their man..but when it comes time for me to want something...im alone..... i need to leave for a while...see my family..my old friends..the friends i grew up around....ash, amanda, corrina, jared, james, david, blair...all them...i want time with them....i miss them  back to the homework thing...PEACE |
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